Had a rough morning trying to process all these "twilight zone" feelings I told you about a few posts ago. Worked through some of it with my therapist today and feel lots better. I went to the wedding cake shoot in the afternoon. An old coworker was the photographer. I hadn't seen her in years. I asked how her husband was and she said they divorced. I said the customary, "Oh, I'm sorry." She said that they were together for 10 years and had simply outgrown each other (sound familiar?). She also told me that she's with a new man now and happier than she's ever been. I think it was a sign to see her today, especially since I was feeling so emotional and unsure about everything and mad at the twilight zone situation. Another strange thing happened. During our session, my therapist asked me to think about this experience of producing a wedding magazine and it being so close to my heart's desire. She said that I must have, on some level, manifested the experience for whatever reason. She asked why I thought I had manifested it. I didn't know. After the session, I opened a package I received from Anthropologie. I had ordered some pants for my trip to Maui. As I was putting the empty box in the recycling, a postcard fell out. It said, "For the love of I Do." Which felt a little random since I just ordered some pants. The randomness led me to believe that it was placed in my path to answer my therapist's question.—SF
It sounds like the card is saying that you are in love with the fantasy. And as I said before, with so many people our age getting divorced you are in a better situation. You just got out when you decided to with no lawyers taking your hard earned money. And if you did want to involve lawyers I sure after a 10 year relationship and living together a good portion of that you could have declared M a common law husband and sued him for alimony if it would make you feel like you are keeping up with the Joneses. And the Joneses being everybody our age.
ReplyDeleteLike I said before, I really don't see much how your relationship of 10 years was much different than mine.
I beg to differ. There is an entire population of people fighting hard for the right to marry, not because they believe in the "fantasy," but because they believe in the commitment. Obviously I can't speak about your relationship because I know nothing about it, but what was wrong with *my* relationship was that I felt pretty much zero connection to M from deep in my core. He felt/feels the same way about me. We split up because we were being honest with ourselves. We decided that what was best for us was not to settle for an illusionary connection just because the relationship itself was a fortress of safety and comfort. So now I'm in mid-air, in the midst of a leap of faith. You say that I'm a better situation than people our age who are getting divorced. I totally agree. I am also in a better situation than people our age who settled for partners who leave much to be desired, and they are now living a life of mediocrity together. When I was typing the word "life" I typed too fast and wrote "lie" instead, but that's also the truth.
ReplyDeleteI do understand your desires, but I guess I am just saying that often people don't see what they have because of what they want. Appreciate, what others envy you for having. And my views on marriage tends to get me in trouble with the Missus. She wants to hear that I married her for romantic reasons, not that I married her for practical reasons because I love her.
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